Forgot To Tell You

Disclaimer:

For readers 18+. All characters are 18+. This is a work of fiction; any resemblance to real individuals is purely coincidental unless stated otherwise.

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Chapter 1

“I’m so glad you're back!” Ailin ran up to Noah and jumped up to hug him. “I missed you so much! I love you!”

She hung onto his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist. He grunted and took a step back to steady himself, but he smiled. Every day that he got home from work before the sun went down and she was home, his wife reacted the same way, like she was waiting the entire day to see him. He hugged her back, putting his head into her neck, inhaling the coconut smell of her blonde hair. Against his arms, he felt the strong muscles on her back when he squeezed her tight.

“I love you, too, baby doll.”

It was her turn to grunt and then delightfully squeak when he spun with her encased in his arms. He had learned to take off his gear and badge in the locker room before going home when she had first moved in over five years ago.

It was right before they got married, she had accidentally hit the panic button on his radio. Being one of the younger policemen at the time, he had taken so much shit for months after that. He didn’t stop doing paperwork until three months later when he got married. That had been his former captain’s wedding present.

It always made Noah sad to think about Captain Ruiz. That old bastard always busted his balls for every mistake he made ever since he was a rookie at twenty-three, but he always did it with the intention of making Noah learn how to be a better officer. Captain Ruiz was such a great father figure for Noah, it was such a shame that he had died only a year into retirement. To this day, Noah still credited him for guiding him to where he was now, a Sergeant.

“I made you quesabirria.” Noah’s mouth instantly watered.

Then he thought, she only makes that for me when she wants something.

If anyone looked at Ailin, they would never expect her to be anything other than a European white woman, maybe even German-American like Noah, because of her blonde hair and porcelain skin, but she was a güera. A white Mexican. Being the only one in her large family to take after her grandmother on her dad’s side, she had grown up constantly getting bullied in that lovingly hateful way only latino families can pull-of. They called her Casper, a mennonite, geisha, and güera. And when her more Americanized cousins used to visit her when she still lived in Santa Isabel, Chihuahua during her middle school years, they would call her McLovin. Because she was a pasty white nerd.

Luckily for her, the bullying had worked in her favor, at least physically. They had motivated her to work so hard on herself that when she moved to the United States for high school, she was involved in every sport she could be every year. For four years she had played on the volleyball team during the fall, the basketball team during the winter, and she was a track star during the spring. She had stayed away from soccer because she really didn’t want to fall into the stereotype.

He looked at her suspiciously, an amused grin on his face. “What do you want, honey-trapper?”

She started pulling him by his hand into the house. “Nothing! Can’t I just do something nice for you because I love you?”

Hmmm, he wondered out loud, letting her know he was skeptical, but he didn’t push it. Once inside, she didn’t even let him put his backpack in the study as she dragged him to the table. He watched her through narrowed eyes as she moved around the kitchen grabbing things and putting them on the table. When she noticed the salt shaker was empty, he watched her reach for the refill container at the top of the cabinet. He made to go help her, but the rustle of his clothes caused her to turn around.

“No, mi amor, relax! I’ll get it.” She smiled sweetly at him and jumped to reach it, landing softly on the balls of her feet.

Noah laughed, she wasn’t really that short, she was five foot six inches, but the top counter was so high up that she always—well nearly always now—asked him to grab things for her from there. He was a little over 6’, so it wasn’t a big deal, he had been reaching all the high places for everyone since he was a sophomore in high school. So her not letting him help her is what finally convinced him there was something fishy going on.

She thinks she’s slick, he thought, smiling a knowing smile while shaking his head.

When she had finally finished grabbing everything they needed to start eating, he had three quesabirria tacos sitting on a plate with the birria broth on the left, the toppings above, and her famous habanero salsa on the right. He grabbed some of the cilantro and diced onion, putting a generous amount on his tacos. Then he grabbed one of the plastic spoons from the center of the table and used it to put a light amount of salsa. He would never admit it to Ailin, but the habanero always made him have the runs for the next day or two despite how delicious the salsa was. Then, like he had been taught by Ailin’s brother and father, he drowned the taco into the broth. When he pulled it out, the copious amount of broth dripped from the drenched taco, coating his fingers, and then running down his wrists. Ailin always hated that and she shuddered, imagining the broth run down her own skin, but she didn’t say anything now.

He noticed she hadn’t even served herself yet and was just staring at him intently.

“Aren’t you going to serve yourself?”

“I am.” She smiled.

When she didn’t go do just that, he gave her a concerned look.

“I just want to see the look on your face when you bite into it. I think I made them even better this time!” She seemed excited, but still, Noah felt something was off.

He looked at the taco in his hand, pulling it closer to his eyes and scanned.

“Did you poison them?” He teased.

“Mch.” Ailin's trademark annoyed noise almost made a smile break through his mock-concerned face and she smacked his arm.

“Who are you all of a sudden? My dad?” She scowled, but when Noah looked back at the taco, still concerned, she scoffed, “Of course not! Just take a bite, ¡Dios mío, que exagerado!”

She had grown up catholic, so invoking God’s name let Noah know she was serious.

Noah opened his mouth, taking a massive bite while Ailin watched him like a hawk. She saw his temples tense with the first chew, then the second. He seemed to move the food in his mouth, savoring it. But then he blinked and looked up at her, raising his eyebrows. A question formed in his eyes but then the flavors hit before he could ask it. First, it was the combination of the spicy salsa, the bitterness of the onions, and the fresh and planty citrus of the cilantro. Then it was the combination of the stripped beef, the melty cheese, and the fried, almost crunchy tortilla punctuated by the oily broth.

Finally, he swallowed and rolled his eyes.

“Mmmmm!”

Ailin smiled so big that it looked like it was going to reach her ears.

“Sí amor? That good?” She leaned in, looking into his eyes, ready to swoop in and strike.

“Oh my god, baby doll, these are the best ones yet! I swear to God!” He expected the scolding he usually got when he profaned the Lord’s name in front of his wife, but it didn’t come.

“You’re not just saying that to make me happy, right?” she asked, genuine hope plastered on her face.

“No baby, I’m telling you. These. Are. Amazing!” He readied himself for another massive bite, dipping the taco into the broth again.

“Excellent!” She clapped excitedly before finally getting to it. “Because I just got off the phone with my mom and we talked about the ‘g b’ word. You know, a grandbaby?”

Noah stopped himself from taking another bite and looked at her in mock shock, he knew this was suspicious. Every time Ailin got off a call with Maria something like this would always happen.

“Gosh dang it! I knew it!” He pointed at her accusingly, half genuine betrayal and half amused. “You were just trying to butter me up like a thanksgiving ham. You sweet talking, delicious food making…Delilah!” He looked at her with that mischievous smile of his that always caught her attention. “You…you…bruja!” When he said it, he tried to say it with as decent of a Mexican accent as he could muster, but his southern, German-American genes were far too strong to let him.

“Uhhhhh,” she gasped, an amused shock splayed on her face. “Noah Benjamín Wagner!” She used the Spanish pronunciation for his middle name.

His eyes went wide before they started laughing together.

After a few minutes, she spoke up again. “Amor, enserio! This is serious!”

He cleared his throat and wiped the tears from his blue eyes. “Baby doll, we talked about this.”

She pouted. “Noooo, you talked. I listened. Now I want to talk and for you to listen!” Her bottom lip quivered.

He sighed, but still his face softened and he raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“Look, I’m twenty-six already. My sister Ana just had her second mocoso! She’s only twenty-one! Aldo is on his fourth and Alicia is due next month! She’s only eighteen! All my cousins, except for the little ones, already have kids! I’m the only one in the family over eighteen who doesn’t!” She thought for a second. “Even some of the teenagers already have a baby!” She crossed her arms, her eyebrows furrowed, determined.

“Baby, look. I know how important this is to you, to your family…but we can’t afford this right now. Between the car loans, the mortgage for this place, the bills, AND our student loans? We’re barely breaking even after groceries.” He ran his hands through his slicked back hair, anxiety building in his stomach. “We don’t qualify for food stamps, we don’t have anyone to help us—” He shrugged, supplicating with his hands for her to understand. “We can’t afford a baby. You know I want them, too. We just can’t.”

Ailin’s lips half-curled as if she was going to snarl. Her eyes were angry, but tears welled in them, seemingly quelling the fire.

“I know that! But, aachh—” she groaned. “We’ll figure it out. We always do! We need this! I need this! I want to be a mother, so bad.” The tears were pouring down the slopes of her beautifully puffy, high-set cheeks. “I want to hold our baby boy—or girl—” she quickly added, “and see you!”

“Well when we have babies I hope they look more like you,” Noah muttered.

“They need to look like you!” She had raised her voice a little, something Noah wasn’t used to from her, then she broke down. “I’m sorry! It’s just that, with everything going on…something’s always happening. And you know how I feel about everything, but you’re a good person, a good cop! And I pray—Diosito mío knows how much time I spend praying—that you make it back home to me every day! But what if one of these psychos that’s on the news hurts you? Or what if—” A sob interrupted her, her breath hitching in her throat.

“Baby doll, it’s okay! I’m right here. Look,” he sighed, “I know it’s dangerous, I’m out there every day. I see what happens on the news firsthand. But—” he measured his words, carefully picking out the best response he could, “I do my best every day to prepare myself to avoid that, or hopefully in the worst case scenario, mitigate the damage. You know how hard I train on the mats, how much I run so I don’t run out of steam when shit hits the fan. You know how much time I spend at the range every week. I do it because I want to—I need to come home to you. If I died now, I’d have to wait until you’re nearly a hundred to ever see you again. You dang abuelitas always live so long.” He joked, making her laugh.

He smiled at that to keep the panic inside.

She knew Reinhard had done horrible things to his psyche. But she didn’t understand any of it. Noah had never let her into that part of him. The extent of Reinhard’s depravity before the old bastard had remarried and how much it impacted Noah. He struggled with that every day.

But that wasn’t her fault.

She didn’t know what to look for. Her family experience was too different—loving, caring, community, all to a toxic degree. She couldn’t possibly understand how he felt…even if he did try to explain, could she?

That, and why he was so scared of becoming a father—he didn’t know how to be one.

When Ailin looked at him, she saw the future father of her children. But when he looked at himself, all he could see was his father’s son.

He needed to tell her, he should tell her. About Reinhard, about their fucked up dynamic, about everything the old bastard made him witness. But he didn’t. Eventually he might try to make her understand everything. Everything but the fear of being a father. He would carry that to his grave.

“Look baby, I understand how you feel. And we will try soon, I promise. Just give us time to pay off at least the cars, then we can talk about it, okay? Just be patient with me, baby.”

She sniffed and looked at her hands, rubbing them like she was trying to clean off a persistent stain. She wouldn’t be able to.

Then she looked up. “Okay.”

She tried to smile, but it was more of a slight grimace. Noah hugged her tight and then gently cupped her face in his hands. He dried the tears with his thumbs, lightly rubbing her cheeks at the same time. Ailin smiled genuinely this time, a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. He leaned in to kiss her softly and they lingered like that for several seconds before finally pulling apart.

“Let’s eat, baby.” This time he stood up to serve her a plate of tacos, while she remained seated instead and just stared at the chair he had been sitting in.

It was as empty as she felt in that moment.

He tried his best not to make a sound as he opened the cabinet to get one of their flowery plates, and then served her two tacos. In a bowl, he only served her a little bit of broth, knowing she wouldn’t finish any more than that. When he finally sat down, her eyes regained focus and she tried to smile at him but it was forced. And both of them knew it.

They ate without a word; only the sound of her frequent sniffles broke the silence.

Noah

“Wagner!” The perpetual buzz of the records room broke with the thunderous roar of the police chief.

He was an older man in his late sixties, but with only some salt in his pepper hair, he didn’t look a day over forty-five. The rumors were that he had been on TRT and cycling EPO for almost a decade, among anything else that he could do safely—well, relatively safely. But he swore up and down it was just the carnivore diet and near manic levels of exercise. It was plausible, with how muscular the chief was, but not likely. His face was always red and his head had gone up a couple gallons in hat sizes, something commonly associated with TRT. Besides, he watched JRE, which was a dead ringer for middle-aged men trying to hang onto their prime by any means.

“Where’s that blonde pretty bastard at?” Some of the rookies paled in shock, but the veterans just smiled and shook their heads at Chief Calderon’s language.

“Sir? You called for me?” Sergeant Wagner startled the chief, coming from behind him. The chief looked down to see what Wagner had in his arms: he was carrying a fresh coffee mug in one hand and a Bang energy drink in the other with a stack of papers tucked under his arm. He raised his thick eyebrows as he looked back at Wagner’s face; the sergeant’s eyes were redder than the devil’s cock and his left eyelid was twitching. The poor bastard was on his thirteenth hour on shift getting ready to do paperwork instead of going home and doing it when he got back the next day.

But what Calderon didn’t know was that Wagner didn’t really want to go home today, not after yesterday’s conversation with Ailin.

For a brief moment, Calderon smiled under his thick mustache. This was precisely why Wagner had been on his radar since becoming Sergeant three years ago. The man was always working tirelessly, doing his paperwork in a timely manner, and still showing up for his next shift on time looking like a million dollars—well, maybe only a few thousand right now. But then when he saw the confused, derpy smile on Wagner’s face, Calderon remembered he had to be tough on his officers, so his usual scowl returned almost instantaneously.

It was like whiplash for Wagner, seeing the chief smile at him, then immediately look pissed again. His own smile disappeared and he tried to hide how hard he gulped. He started to feel the anxiety building in his stomach again and his heart was pounding. But maybe it wasn’t the anxiety, maybe it was the half can of Bang hitting his stomach after he had chugged it in the breakroom.

“Get your ass in my office, Sergeant!” Everyone’s eyes widened at this. Wagner was never called into the office because he was never in trouble. They stared at both of the tall men as they walked out of the room and down the hall towards the supervisor offices.

“Sir, should I be worried?” Wagner asked, eyes wide like a scared child.

The duality of Sergeant Wagner was such an oddity, nearly paradoxical. One thing was being out in the field, adrenaline pumping through his body while he ran after the latest idiot who thought that would be a good idea, and another was speaking to someone who he looked up to and they were seemingly upset at him for a reason he couldn’t perceive. He could handle the former, it was a combination of confidence in his training and instinct that suppressed his apprehension and genetic need to run away from mortal danger. But the latter was far less simple. There wasn’t any training he had ever received on how to be scolded.

Or maybe the truth was that he had been trained too well.

Calderon grunted, first closing the door behind them and then sitting in his chair.

“Quite the opposite, Sergeant. This is an opportunity.” Wagner’s shoulders visibly relaxed and his tired eyes lit up.

“As you know, Lieutenant Davis is retiring very soon. He tells me one month, but I see his old ass still limping from that gunshot he took last year in the hip.” Calderon’s face shifted, softening ever so slightly. “Truth is I don’t think he lasts more than a few more weeks. He’s lost his nerve, which is a damn shame. I still remember him as a snarky 3rd year almost twenty years ago, always the first to the action and the last to do his paperwork.” Calderon chuckled.

Wagner listened intently. He had the emotional awareness and respect for Davis to suppress a smile, but he was already anticipating where this conversation was headed.

“But since last year, he mostly just wants to do paperwork. I can’t say I blame the poor bastard. I don’t understand it, but I can’t be upset about it either.” Calderon sighed. “He was one of the better Lieutenants we have had since I’ve been here, but that damn gunshot made him age ten years in one. Damn shame.” Calderon repeated, taking off his peaked cap and putting his massive hand on his forehead, massaging his temples with his thumb and index finger.

For the first time since Wagner had known Chief Calderon, the older, dark skinned man looked his age. The lines on his face were deep. The crows feet on his eyes were like the muddy beds of an empty river splitting into smaller streams. Without his face tensed into a scowl, Chief Calderon seemed like he was nearing retirement himself.

“But that’s life,” the chief lamented.

“Ain’t that right,” Wagner agreed.

“So, now we have come to the opportunity. I want to offer you the chance to take his place.”

Wagner’s face lit up like it was Christmas and Santa had brought him a lifted Chevy Colorado for being such a good boy—err, man.

“Now hold on Wagner, it’s not a given. You still have to pass the written exam first and foremost. Then, you have to go through that interview gauntlet. First with the Psych division, then the other supervisors, and finally with me and Morgan.” Morgan was head of H.R. and Calderon’s wife.

It had only been a hassle the first year of their relationship when they both had yet to ascend to their current positions, but now that they were both at the apex of their respective fields, no one batted an eye.

“That last one is a formality since you’ve never been in trouble with me or Morgan’s side.” Wagner smiled hearing the chief say that. “And with that fancy education, I don’t think that exam will be an issue for you.” Wagner was elated, but he knew he couldn’t celebrate yet. Not until they had removed the chevrons from his uniform and replaced them with a silver bar.

Calderon continued, “So all you have to worry about really is that psych eval disguised as an interview and any jealous supervisors.”

Wagner raised an eyebrow at Calderon’s candor, but his smile didn’t leave his face.

“Thank you, sir! So much. You have no idea how auspicious this is!” Calderon and Wagner stood up together, shaking hands.

“There you go with those fancy words, son,” Calderon quipped, shaking his head. “Make sure you’re ready to take that exam, it needs to be done this week. Now get out of here.” Calderon sat back down in his chair and Wagner put his hand on the doorknob.

Before he opened the door, Calderon cleared his throat, that scowl returning to his face. “Wipe that smile off your face, Sergeant. I have a reputation to uphold here.” Calderon allowed himself a sly smile. “And son, go home. Get some rest. Go back to the lovely wife of yours.”

“Yes sir!” Wagner smiled even wider. Catching himself, he took a deep—very deep—breath, and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to imitate the chief’s scowl as he opened the door and walked back towards the records room. He didn’t have the scowl down quite yet, but he would have plenty of time to practice that face when he was Lieutenant.

Getting home late hadn’t been the norm for Noah throughout his career, but lately, he felt like it was. Since November of last year, less than three months ago, he had probably gotten home over an hour late at least twice a week.

When he finally got home today, Ailin’s car was in the driveway, but the lights inside were off.

That’s odd, he thought.

He carefully opened the door. It was quiet inside, much more quiet than he was used to. And it was dark, so dark he didn’t notice the shoes until he stumbled over them, catching himself on the wall of the small foyer.

“Shit! Why are these here?” He felt like anything above a whisper would disturb the quiet.

Even though the sun had set a couple of hours ago, far past the time Ailin would meet him outside, she would usually be doing something inside the house. As he exited the foyer, the lights were off in the kitchen, too. He thought he would see Ailin cooking or even doing homework on the countertop, but the kitchen was empty. Then he walked a little further into the kitchen and turned his head to the adjoining living room to check if she was doing yoga under the dim light of the tv, but again, nothing. There wasn’t even any Latin music playing from anywhere in the house, which was weird because it was a staple of their household. Noah started to feel like he was inside someone else’s house and not his own. This wasn’t the warm and vibrant space she kept for them.

“Baby doll?” He asked in as loud of a whisper as he dared. If she was asleep, he didn’t want to wake her, but if she was awake, then she would hear him, right? Unless she was doing something that was intensely preoccupying her attention…

Noah walked down their long hallway, peeking in the open doorways of the guest bathroom and the small study. They were both empty. But as he got closer to the end of the hall, where the master bedroom and the guest bedroom were separated by the hall and a connected bathroom, he could hear two voices. One was unmistakably Ailin’s but the other was a man’s voice he didn’t recognize.

“What the fuck?” Noah whispered to himself.

He slowed down and began to creep towards the master bedroom, his hand inching towards his hip. Realizing he didn’t have any of his gear on and that reaching for his gun would be an overreaction, he instead balled his hand into a fist. He could hear the man speaking in Spanish but Noah didn’t know what the man was saying. Noah still hadn’t learned much Spanish even after a few years short of a decade with Ailin.

He peeked into the room through the open door from the darkness of the hallway. The light from the television flickered as the images changed, but it was muted. Angling his view a little bit, he could see his wife laying down on the bed.

He breathed a massive sigh of relief realizing that she was talking on the phone. Now that he was so close, he could clearly hear her brother’s voice on speaker. He unclenched his fist and was about to open the door when—.

“—piensan que él ni quiere tener un bebé conmigo? Ya he hablado con mi mamá varias veces.” He understood only a few of the words that she spoke, but the ones he did made him feel immediately anxious: quiere was want, bebé was baby, and mamá was mom. With how their conversation had gone yesterday about having kids and her tone of voice now, it wasn’t looking good for him. His anxiety started to kick in again, making his stomach turn over.

But if that’s what she had said, that wasn’t exactly true. He wanted to give Ailin kids, he really did. He just couldn’t see a future where they didn’t end up divorced because of how difficult their life would be trying to stay afloat with a child. He didn’t want to end up like his own mother and father: a shitty relationship ending in divorce and split custody.

That, and his fear of being a father.

If he got this promotion, he wouldn’t have to worry about most of that. He could force his fears down for Ailin, too. Getting that promotion promised to make the life they wanted possible. The raise, contract overtime, and hopefully more self confidence.

Noah’s face soured at the last one. Self confidence? He didn’t need more confidence, did he?

He shook his head and realized he had been standing there like a creep, just staring at his wife, listening in on her private conversation that didn’t involve him. He had already eavesdropped enough.

Didn’t he trust her?

With that sacrilegious question in his head, he receded back into the darkness of the hall, into the obscuring shadows that hadn’t been present until today. He tried not to make any noise; he didn’t want her to know he had been watching.

Ailin

She was just going through the motions. At school, she was pretty sure she had missed vital notes for the midterm coming up. It was just so hard to think about what was in front of her when she kept thinking about what she didn’t have. She didn’t have her mother here, they could only speak on the phone. Being so close to someone emotionally, but separated by distance and time, it was devastating. She didn’t have any of her siblings, her niblings, or even her dad nearly as much as she needed them since they lived in Phoenix while she was in Austin.

And if she was honest, right now it didn’t really feel like she had Noah. Every time she brought up having a baby, he seemed to tense up. He tried to play it off like it was their finances he was worried about, but there was more to it. She didn’t understand what it was. But how could she? He never talked about it. Maybe he didn’t trust her enough to tell her what the real reason was.

So all she could do with that was make assumptions. And right now her main assumption was that maybe he didn’t want to. But she would never voice that. If she did, it would feel too real, too true. No. It had to be something else, because if it wasn’t, well she didn’t really know what that meant for them.

In her mind, Ailin could feel her emotions crashing against the dam that was her mental resilience.

At her job, she looked around at all the families. All the sad, broken families trying to feign happiness for the sake of their dying loved one. That’s how she felt, like she was trying to keep up a happy facade, except Noah wasn’t dying.

She was happy with Noah, more than happy, that wasn’t the lie. When she saw him, it made her feel happy, he still gave her butterflies. But when she thought about their future there was uncertainty, and that uncertainty wasn’t coming from her.

“Ailin!” Another of the LPNs shook Ailin to get her attention.

“Oh. Hey.” Ailin’s eyes refocused and she looked at Natasha.

The older woman had a worried look on her face as she looked at Ailin.

“Honey, are you okay? You seem…lost.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m okay, just a little tired.” She lied, trying not to worry her coworker.

“Are you sure? I’ve been trying to get your attention for like a minute. What's wrong, honey?” Natasha looked down at Ailin, putting her hand on the younger woman’s shoulder and examining her face. “Is everything okay?”

Ailin seemingly relaxed with the caring touch from the older woman. Maybe a little too much because Ailin’s work mask faltered for a second and she wiped the tears forming in her eyes.

“Yeah, I am just really stressed with everything.” She dug her thumb nail into her index finger to distract herself with pain. She just needed to make it to her lunch break and she could have a little crying session in the car. She would drive to an empty part of the parking lot and just let herself go there. But not here.

She felt the cracks forming on the dam walls.

“Everything?” Natasha’s concern grew upon seeing the tears Ailin hadn’t let fall.

“Sorry, I mean like, midterms are coming up. Y no se, I am just kind of overwhelmed.” That part wasn’t necessarily a lie.

“Okay, well honey, we need you here right now.” Natasha gestured to their surroundings—at the hospice patients and their families. “If you want to talk about what’s going on later, I’m here for you, you know that…but right now stay with me.”

Ailin nodded. “I’m sorry. I’ll focus. Sorry.”

This was uncharacteristic of Ailin, to bring her home into her work, but this wasn’t something she could just shut out of her mind and ignore until later.

She tried to be present but as the day went on, three hours into her shift, it was just getting to be too much.

She saw this every day: all of the sad families. The teary-eyed adult children of some of her patients trying to hide the devastation of watching their paragons of love and stability crumble to nothingness. The little kids that can’t understand why mommy or daddy isn’t home as much anymore and why they have to always come to this sad place to even see them. Then inevitably they will ask where mommy or daddy are and why they can’t visit them anymore.

But today, it was more than she could take. Every father, brother, son, husband…was Noah. And worse still, every mother wasn’t her.

Ailin could feel the cracks expanding, if she didn’t get a break soon, her dam wasn’t going to be able to handle all the pressure.

“Mr. Victor! Mary is coding!” Alyssa, one of the newer nurses came running out of the patient's room.

“Shit! She’s a full code.” The head nurse, Mr. Victor, moved with purpose, telling everyone what to do as calmly as he could. “Ailin, stay with the husband. David, help me grab everythin’. Alyssa, Cody, start workin’ on her.”

But it wasn't enough. After forty minutes they had stopped.

Ailin had been trying her best to comfort the husband in one of the more private lobbies when Mr. Victor finally came with the bad news.

The husband took the news hard, but better than expected. He had seen the light slowly dim in Mary’s eyes the past few months. He had wanted to have hope, he had even had a promotion at work that he had taken as a good sign from the universe, but it hadn’t been. And deep down he knew that. Even if he hadn’t admitted to anyone, he’d already been preparing for this.

And that’s when the dam finally exploded from the pressure.

Both Mary’s husband and Mr. Victor were surprised when instead it was Ailin who broke down crying. The husband had taken a liking to her because she had treated Mary with dignity and respect, not like a dying woman who needed to be coddled.

“Natasha!” Mr. Victor called the older LPN to the husband as he was forced to pull Ailin away. “Help Mr. Garcia with everything he needs and explain the next steps.”

When they finally got to Mr. Victor’s office, he shut the door. He didn’t want any of the others to see or even hear Ailin’s anguish. Especially not the families.

“She wanted to go to Cherish’s graduation!” Ailin cried.

She had spent a lot of time with Mary during the middle-aged woman's time at the hospice facility. Ailin couldn’t believe she was gone. Just a few days ago they were talking about what Mary had coming up. Her oldest, Cherish, was about to graduate salutatorian from high school in May. Her youngest was going to have his first tennis match. Her husband had gotten a much needed promotion that was going to pay for her medical expenses. Mary had so much hope, so much to live for. That’s why she was a full code, she didn’t want to die. But still it had happened. Ailin didn’t know how God could let that happen.

Ailin had seen other patients die, other patients she had grown attached to, but she had never reacted like this before. Mr. Victor was concerned as he pulled Ailin into his arms, comforting the young woman.

“Darlin’ I know. It’s hard. But it’s happened before and it will keep happenin’. Natasha already told me somethin’s up. Everythin’ okay at home, sweetheart?” The older man looked down at the distraught LPN in his arms.

“I…I think I just need to rest.” She couldn’t tell anyone what she was feeling.

If she did, she would have to explain to everyone who asked about their situation at home. They might villainize Noah or think less of him the way her mother sometimes would during their phone calls, and she didn’t want that.

She stifled a sob, swallowing it in her throat and forcing it down.

“There there, sweetheart.” Mr. Victor rubbed Ailin’s back, trying to soothe his crying subordinate.

It was moments like this, when Mr. Victor’s empathy was most prominent, that he reminded Ailin of her dad. A southern and taller version of her dad anyway.

“Darlin’ I think you oughta go home and get that rest. Then when you’re feelin’ back to your confident and bubbly self in a couple of days, you can come back.” Almost subconsciously, he kissed the top of her head the way he did to his own wife.

Ailin buried her face into his shirt, needing to feel enveloped in that nurturing warmth only a father could give.

“Thank you so much,” she finally said and detached herself from their embrace. “I’m sorry.”

“None of that, sweetheart. You just go on and feel better so we can get you back here soon.” He smiled.

She grabbed her things and left. He watched her walk down the empty hallway and out the employee door. After a moment, Mr. Victor cleared his throat—or was it a repressed groan? He smoothed out his scrub top and then adjusted his scrub bottoms before returning to work.

On the way home, Ailin flipped off her gym.

“Not today, hijo de tu puta madre.”

She kept changing the song, crying and frustrated that she couldn’t find any good ones right now. They were all too happy and dancy. She really needed to make a sad playlist. And when she finally did find one, she was already too close to home to enjoy it properly.

“Y volver volver—” the chorus was cut off as she parked in the driveway and shut off her car.

She sat there, staring at the house. Usually, she was excited to be here, but today she was dreading it.

Sighing, she got out of the car and dragged her feet.

Upon opening the door, she kicked off her shoes right there in the foyer, something she hated when Noah did. She would get them later, today she wasn’t going to worry about anything but herself. It’s not like they were expecting anyone to visit anyway.

Her mom was in Mexico and the rest of her family was in Arizona. Noah’s mom didn’t really visit even though she was only thirty minutes away and his dad lived in South Carolina near his sister.

So fuck cleaning the house or making food. She just needed to relax today. She went to the fridge and grabbed one of the pre-made protein shakes and a meal replacer, closing the door harder than she had meant to, making the contents of the door shelves rattle.

“Fuck.” Hopefully nothing had tipped over, but she’d worry about that later.

On her way to the bedroom, Ailin chugged the protein shake and then the meal replacer without even taking a breath, causing her to belch loudly. She knew she shouldn’t drink that kind of stuff, it was mostly Noah’s, but right now she needed something quick and easy.

She peeled off her bottoms. It was hard for her to find pants that both hugged her waist without smothering her wide hips and butt—unless she was willing to buy premium, which she had. And she was glad she did because these scrub pants were so flexible and soft. She threw the scrub set into her ‘scrubs only’ hamper.

After a stressful day, she usually liked to take a long shower. The scorching water always seemed to melt and wash her troubles away, if only momentarily. But not today. She wasn’t in the mood for the thoughts that would inevitably haunt her in one of her sacred places.

Instead she threw on her loosest, most comfortable workout set to watch tv. She didn’t care if she smelled like a care facility right now, she just wanted to feel better. So she went to ViX to watch her dad’s favorite show, Cero en conducta. It was something that had become a comfort the last few years because she could see her dad’s personality in Jorgito. She wondered if it would make her smile the way it usually did.

“Mmmm who got this tres leches cake? It’s literally the one I wanted. Did you get it for me, amor?” Ailin asked Noah.

“I think my dad did.”

Her face scrunched up wearily at that and she raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“How does your dad know this is my favorite cake?” She looked at Noah while she dipped her fork back in for another bite.

But instead of the soft, wet texture of tres leches, her fork thudded against something hard. She looked down at the cake. In its place was a giant pregnancy test with an unmistakable plus sign. It took Ailin a second before she understood what it meant.

“Amor, I’m pregnant!” She turned around to look at Noah, but he was no longer there.

His seat was empty.

In the corner of her vision, she thought she could see him, so she looked in that direction. But it wasn’t Noah, it was their family. They were looking at her expectantly, their plastic, smiling faces lingering just below her own vision. So she looked down. To her utter shock, she was heavily pregnant, and in her hands she held a black balloon and a needle ready to pop it.

“Aren’t you going to pop it? Show us the gender!” her mother said.

Ailin started to cry, her mother was there. She hadn’t seen her in a decade. But then she saw a shadow in the corner of her eye that caused her to worry.

“Mamá, how are you here right now? You have to be careful! They are taking everyone!” But her mom ignored her.

“Go on! Show us!” her mother urged and Ailin felt obligated to comply.

Ailin popped the balloon, but instead of the blue or pink paper shavings she had been expecting, her mother was standing directly in front of her.

“Are you ready for the twins?”

“Twins?” Ailin looked down.

She was holding two baby boys in her arms. They looked vaguely like Noah, but their faces were harsher than his. She looked up, panicked.

“Noah?!” Ailin’s voice cracked.

She looked and looked for her husband, but he was nowhere to be found. His place next to her was empty while everything was moving too fast for her to even have the awareness to take a moment to think.

“Hey there pretty lady.”

Doesn’t he mean baby doll? That thought nearly short circuited the surge of hope Ailin felt at the sound of Noah’s voice.

She turned in the direction of that voice, only she didn’t find Noah. Instead, it was Noah’s family. His mom was there with Noah’s half siblings. His father was there too, only he wasn’t alone the way he should have been. He was standing next to his late wife Madeline, only Madeline didn’t look like herself.

She looked similar, but not quite. Something about her was much more familiar than it should have been—uncannily so. Her hair was supposed to be very wavy, almost curly, but instead it was straight. She was also more filled out than Ailin remembered, more curved and less edge. The Madeline she had met had been taller. Slender. More lanky than athletic.

Then Noah’s sister popped into her field of view.

“Hey where’s the last one?” she asked.

“The last one? What are you talking about?” Ailin didn’t understand what was going on, why this was happening so fast, or where the fuck Noah was.

“The triplet?” Amber scoffed. “You don’t know where your own baby is? I have five and I can still keep track.”

A triplet? Then out of the corner of her eyes, just at the edge of her vision, Ailin could see the outline of a man. She spun towards it.

“NOAH?” But there was nothing there.

“Hey don’t worry, I found her!” Reinhard, Noah’s father said.

He walked up to Ailin, bringing her her triplet. He kept trying to hand the baby to her and Ailin wanted to accept it, but she couldn’t. It would be wrong to try to hold the baby Reinhard was trying to give her when she could barely manage to hold the two already in her full arms. So instead, Reinhard stood next to her, allowing her to be close to the child she couldn’t hold.

BRRRINGG!

The phone was SO LOUD.

BRRRINGG!

She wanted to hand one of the babies to Noah so she could answer the phone, but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t even bothering to help by answering the phone himself.

“Let me help.” Reinhard took one of the babies from Ailin before she could respond, smiling at her.

“Oh…okay. Thank you…” She smiled back politely—he was only trying to help her after all.

It would be better for her if she let him, maybe she would even feel relieved. With one hand free now, she walked over to the phone.

BRRRINGG!

She picked it up.

“Noah?”

“Noah? It’s Aldo. You know, the brother you never call? Are you drunk or something?” Her brother asked in Spanish.

Slowly, the fog that obscured reality when dreaming lifted.

“Aldo?”

“Yes, what the fuck. Do you not have my number saved in your phone?” He could speak English, but he always got self-conscious because of his heavy accent.

Ailin groaned and stretched. “I was having the worst dream!”

“Your worst dreams involve Noah?” Aldo didn’t really ask, it was more like an accusation.

“Is that why you’re calling? Just to talk shit?”

“No! Of course not! Why are you always so defensive about everything?”

Ailin rolled her eyes and sat up, muting the tv. “I’m tired. What do you want?”

“I talked to mom.”

“Okay. And?”

“She told me blondie doesn’t want to have a baby with you.” Blondie was what Aldo and her father called Noah when he wasn’t around.

He didn’t like that name.

Ailin didn’t think that was funny.

“Ach! Don’t call him that!” But when Aldo only laughed at her response, she realized that’s all he really wanted from her.

“Fuck right off. What did she tell you?”

“She said you called her yesterday to complain that Noah doesn’t want to have kids with you. That you were crying and she had to calm you down.”

“What?! What a fuc—mrrrmm,” she groaned.

Ailin had to breathe in deeply before she said something this chismoso ass snitch would take back to their mom.

“That’s not what I said.” Her tone had finality.

Why does she always have to do that? Ailin thought.

Both of these two were such instigators. Her mother always twisting her words and Aldo always poking the fucking bear. She missed them, she really did. But shit like this sometimes made her grateful for the distance.

“Well that’s what she told me. Are you okay with that? With Noah not wanting kids with you? I thought you wanted a big family like the rest of us.” He jabbed her right in the heart.

Ailin’s shaky exhale let Aldo know he needed to chill out for an icy cold minute with his jabs.

“I didn’t say that.”

Why would she say that? Ailin thought. Her mom always struck her right in her insecurities.

“Is that what you all think of us? You all think he doesn’t even want to have a baby with me? I’ve already talked to mom about this several times.”

“I don’t think that. I’m just asking.” Aldo cut in to speak before she could continue.

Fucking liar, she thought.

“You already know that you have to take everything she says with a mountain of salt, right?” Ailin started to rub her hands.

Damn persistent stains.

“That’s exactly why I called you! You don’t have to get mad so easily. I was just asking.” Aldo acted like he didn’t start the call throwing accusations and only backtracked now that she was pissed.

“Baby doll! I’m home!” She heard Noah call from the kitchen.

Ailin would have audibly groaned if her brother wasn’t such a gossipy bitch. Tomorrow it would be her mom or one of her sisters calling to see if she and Noah were divorcing.

“Hey, Noah is home. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Tell him we are all waiting for you two to have—”

“Bye!” She hung up the phone before Aldo could piss her off more.

“Baby, can you come to the kitchen? I have something I need to talk to you about,” Noah called out to her again.

She groaned quietly, then took a deep—deeply frustrated—breath. “Coming, amor!”

Ailin rubbed her forehead, she couldn’t just relax today. Between Mary’s death, her family instigating drama, her concerns about Noah even wanting to be a father, and now even her dreams trying to stress her out, she really just needed someone else to take the wheel so she could relax in the passenger seat for a while. She needed to cede control to have a little rest.

“Tell me!” Ailin crossed her arms over her chest, making it hard for Noah to concentrate.

In her loose sports bra, her cleavage peaked out deliciously.

“I want to, I just don’t want to get you too excited. I don’t want to get your hopes up and then if it doesn’t happen…”

“You can’t just tell me you have great news that might solve everything—your words by the way—then not tell me what it is.” She was right, he was teasing her.

He regretted it though, he knew how impatient she was.

“You just have to promise me you aren’t going to get your hopes up until it actually happens—”

“Fine I promise, just tell me!”

Noah hesitated but her tone and the desperate look on her face pushed him to finally relent.

“Chief Calderon offered me the opportunity to move up to Lieutenant but—”

“Wait…” The desperation slowly drained.

He tried to suppress his smile but Ailin caught it before he could.

“Wait wait wait! Does that—?” She covered her mouth and her eyes welled with happy tears.

“Yeah…I mean, it does if I get the promotion!” He tried to clarify, but she was already in baby land.

“Amor, we need to start planning! We could turn the study into a playroom! The other room can be his—or her—room.” She stopped, looking at his face. She saw the hesitation in it. “Is…is it real? You aren’t just messing with me?” she asked.

She really was trying to mitigate her excitement, she didn’t want to be disappointed. But she really, really needed this.

“No ma’am. I’m not messing with you, I just need to actually get the promotion first. I still need to take the written qualifier, pass it. And then there’s three interviews I need to get through…” He was trying to mitigate the expectations, but he could already see her hopes skyrocketing.

“Amor, no tienes—you have no idea how happy that makes me!” She started hopping up and down. “This morning when I woke up, I was so, so sad! I know, I know…I really couldn’t help it though. You know? But this, Dios mío, beibi. AHHH!” She squealed.

He was happy that she was happy. It’s something he always wanted for her: to be happy. She always told him she hadn’t had that many opportunities to be happy in her life until he came along. All he could feel was pride in being able to give her that happiness.

But as he watched her, his thoughts started to take a dive into the gutter. He noticed her sports bra wasn’t keeping everything in place the way it should. It was more than just cleavage now: every time she jumped, her breasts threatened to jump out right along with her. He couldn’t stop staring even as she switched to a happy dance.

Because a happy dance for her was a sensual dance to him. She couldn’t see how just her being so happy, moving around, swaying to a song he just couldn’t perceive was enthralling for him. And more than that, it was making him hard.

Just as he was about to suggest they take this celebration to the room, she stopped. So he paused, waiting for her.

She had a look on her face that meant trouble for him. “¡Amor! I know what we should do to celebrate!”

“Get started on them babies?” He smiled wolfishly at her, but it was tainted by a hopeful plea that was obvious to her.

Taking a step towards her, inching his arm around her lower back, he tried to pull her to him.

She smacked his arm. “¡Ayyy, no! Descarado! Your mind is always thinking dirty thoughts!” she scolded—even though that was also on her mind—but it was competing with her need to go out and have fun.

“Well baby, you jumping around like that, moving those sexy hips…what am I supposed to think about?” He eyed her up and down the same way a wolf eyes its prey, obliviously vulnerable.

Except this one wasn’t.

That look made her shiver, that look was new. Predatory. She felt herself moistening slightly. But if she gave in now, they would never go out. They were far too busy for that, it had to be tonight while she could still convince herself two or three hours of sleep would be enough for tomorrow.

With mock-indignation on her face, she covered her sports bra and her shorts with her arms.

“Not yet! First, take me out to dance!”

This wolf was far too green to have the confidence to take on this strong doe alone. It had noticed him, staring him down. Too much effort, too dangerous.

If Ailin hadn’t been so happy, Noah would have groaned out loud instead of internally. It’s not that he hated dancing, he just knew he wasn’t good at it.

“Alright, but after we go dancing, you're mine. We need to start mixing the cake batter and then put that cake to bake.” He put his hands on her exposed tummy and caressed the soft skin.

“Hmmm,” she sighed.

But his horniness was far too strong for him to muscle through, so he slowly slid his hand down her tummy to the edge of her gym shorts. His movements were slow, deliberately so, building her anticipation. His fingertips were as light as a feather, almost tickling her, making her tingle. Just as his fingertips slipped beneath the waistband, when the tingle became a strong quiver, she danced away, humming her denial.

“Mm mmm,” she wagged her finger playfully at him, grinning—daring him to try again.

Was she trying to deny him or draw him out? Noah let out a weakly quick, frustrated groan.

“Not. Yet.” She saw the obvious arousal on his face begin to slowly recede as he tried to control himself. “Wait until we come back.” Her smile promised him he would be rewarded for his patience.

“Oh we are going to cum alright, but I won’t be doing it on your back.” He gladly took the carrot she dangled in his face.

“Cochino!” she called him a pig, but her smile and the twinkle in her eyes belied her mock, indignant disgust.

Thinking himself quick, still running on the confidence today had given him, he reached one final time. Just a quick grab of her sculpted ass. That’s all he would need to change her mind. But she knew him too well—anticipating him, she smacked his hand away.

“¡Ay, ya amor!” she whined, having enough of his advances.

But her mischievous smile let him know he still had something to look forward to later.

Just not yet.

She couldn’t deny that her resilience to stall him out to get what she wanted before they had sex was starting to crumble, but he didn’t know that. She didn’t want him to know. And she was sure she could outlast him anyway. She looked down at his crotch, he was maybe at half his full potential, but she knew just how hard he could get. She licked her lips.

Did she really want to outlast him?

She could see the desire in his eyes, but he kept his hands to himself this time. A little disappointed he didn’t try harder, she huffed in a ‘suit yourself’ kind of way and turned away from him. She looked over her shoulder at him. Catching his eyes on her ass.

An anxious flare flashed in his chest, his consciousness blinking.

“I’m going to go shower. Dress sexy, amor. I want everyone to know you’re getting fucked tonight.” Her body was so inviting, but her wicked glare fixed him in place.

This was her world and he just lived in it.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Noah watched her as she sashayed down the dark hall and disappeared into their room, it was like she was a completely different woman from the one who had come out when he called for her earlier. Noah struggled between joyful pride and horny rejection, both things that Ailin made him feel, as he kept imagining her wonderful ass walking away from him. She had the hip dips of a beach volleyball player and an ass that belonged in highlight reels on ESPN—or at the AVN Awards.

Noah groaned, he had a semi now, but with nothing to do about it except jack off, he decided he needed to cool off instead. If they were serious about that baby making later tonight, he would need to save his stamina—and his come—for that.

To distract himself from thinking about making babies with Ailin—specifically the making process—he grabbed a snack from the pantry. It was one of those packs of Maria cookies Ailin loved so much. He only ate a few, he didn’t want to have any issues on the dance floor or after, tonight he needed staying power.

To achieve that staying power despite how tired he was from his shift, he reached into the fridge and pulled out a protein shake, grabbed the pre-workout from the pantry, grabbed some ibuprofen from a drawer, and mixed himself a be-ready-to-fuck cocktail for the exhausted.

He was disappointed when the now gummy worm flavored cookies and cream shake didn’t taste as good as he had hoped, but he chugged it down anyway. Shake, mmm, like Ailin shaking her ass for him. Down, mmmm, like Ailin going down and teasing him. Chugged, mmmmm.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself—like Ailin chugging his cum as if it was her first and only drop of water in days.

Wait no, he thought.

He would have to resist cumming when she inevitably went down on him tonight. He needed to start trying to put that baby in her despite his fears. She wanted a baby, so they were going to make a baby.

Fuck, he shook his head.

Trying to distract himself with a snack hadn’t worked when his full-course meal of a wife was naked only a couple of rooms away from him. He sighed.

Who was he kidding?

He set the shaker bottle down and walked towards the room. For some reason, he didn’t want to make noise as he approached, causing a tingle to start at the base of his spine and ended up settling down deep in his loins.

Part of him felt like the wolf stalking his prey, tracking her scent back to her as he walked down the hallway. Part of him felt like the deer being stalked, if he was caught by that wolf he might be devoured.

Chills ran down his back at that thought.

When he stalked through the doorway of their room, he could see the bathroom door was ajar. He stopped, looking around to make sure she wasn’t in the bedroom and listened to the sounds coming through that bathroom door. The shower was already on and the speaker inside was playing an R&B song.

His heart was thumping in his chest as he stared at that fatefully open door: it invited him in. The sounds called to him, teasing what waited just for him inside.

His mind toyed with him, he could almost smell the scent he imagined. It was becoming too strong for him to deny it. And like the wolf, he sniffed. The scent of coconut permeated the air around him.

But like the deer, he hesitated. What if she saw him? But he shook his head.

With renewed confidence, he stalked forward. Inching his way towards the bathroom, being as quiet as he could.

Creak.

The wolf stopped moving, or was it the deer?

His heart pounding in his chest. He was frozen in place, trying to hear for any change around him to pinpoint the danger.

But there was none.

He shuddered an exhale and shook his head. He looked up, the bathroom was so close. Only a couple more steps until the wolf finally found its prey vulnerable and unaware.

He could now make out the song that was playing as he approached the boundary of the doorway.

“LOOOOVE…”

He heard his wife sing along, a siren’s song calling to him. Her voice would never be heard on the radio but it was cute and distinctly raspy, kind of like Emma Stone in La La Land.

But what he was interested in was that smell of coconuts and where it was wafting towards him from. That was still being blocked by the door. He nudged it open, hoping it wouldn’t creak. Instead, he found it heavy, almost as if it was lightly pushing back but still complicitly silent.

The wolf—deer was careful not to step on a twig or on the dry leaves that littered the ground. If he did, he would be caught vulnerable.

He breached through the boundary that separated the bathroom from the rest of the world and looked towards the shower. As his eyes laid on the frosted glass plastered with the water that splashed off of Ailin, he felt a rush in his stomach. It was an image he had witnessed many times, but it was the first time he was witnessing it with the intention of remaining hidden.

He wouldn’t need to worry about that, though. Ailin was too preoccupied with washing herself to look for his outline through the blurred glass. Because of his dark clothes and the way he stood just within the doorway, he was difficult to separate from the shadows of the room behind him.

He couldn’t make out every fine detail through the glass, but he remembered them well enough to fill in the missing pixels.

She was turned slightly away from him, almost facing the showerhead. Her hair was already white with shampoo, which explained the scent of coconut Noah had followed. She was pouring body wash onto her pretty pink loofah. He had a perfectly blurred view of the leg she elevated, resting on the built-in bench. Then she reached down to her foot.

She had such pretty feet, so sleek and the way her high arch mirrored her back during sex. Noah had to concentrate not to groan.

“Ach.” She started to wash her feet.

Noah knew how ticklish she was, he would often pin her ankles down, and lock her legs between his own, and then tortuously tickle her. Her feet were especially sensitive. He loved the way she squirmed when he did it, fighting him to get up while not being able to stop laughing.

He watched intently as she carefully, slowly moved the loofah. Then she tensed up.

“Ay porque siempre, I hate that.” She must have given herself that tickling sensation she abhorred, causing Noah to smile.

“Hmhm!” she giggled and protested immediately. “Ayy no!”

Right before she was about to start on the soles of her feet, the most sensitive area for her, she paused. Noah nearly laughed as she crossed herself the way Catholics do. Then she started to scrub.

“Mmmm—hmhmm…mm—hmhmhm…mmmm,” she hummed along with the song, but her giggles kept threatening to erupt out of her.

She kept pausing to compose herself then had to repeat the process with her other foot. It was so cute that Noah almost forgot he was encroaching on her privacy.

When she was about to start on her calves, something shifted in Noah. Those sleek and strong calves that athletes have were at the edges of eroticism for him. Whenever they would have sex and he would lift her legs up to get a better angle, he would kiss and lick her calves. Ailin always seemed to love that.

But Ailin didn’t start washing her calves. Instead, she stopped moving and looked up.

“What the hell?”

Noah froze in place, his next breath cut short.

He swallowed.

If he even shifted in the slightest, he had no doubt Ailin would notice him in the doorway. His heartbeat seemed so loud inside of him, like it was the only thing he could hear just above the muffled sounds of the shower. He knew it wasn’t possible for her to hear his heart pounding in his chest, but still, he internally begged for it to be quiet.

God, shut the fuck up. What if she hears…wait—

At that moment he realized why he could hear his heartbeat so loudly with the only other sound being the water cascading down Ailin’s body and hitting the tiled floor. Noah finally noticed there had been no music playing for the last several seconds.

“Echo, play Mi piscis de RaiNao.” As soon as the looping notes started to play, Noah let out a quiet, long breath of relief.

Ailin finished cleaning her calves a lot quicker than her feet. She sat down on the bench setting the loofah next to her and brought her left foot over her knee. Noah watched as she began to massage herself, digging into the little fat pads on her foot.

“Oh that feels nice,” she sighed.

Noah imagined it was him giving her that massage. Dragging his thumbs along her soft skin. Spreading the slight wrinkles of her soles, really digging in.

But her massaging slowed down and she seemed to be staring up at the wall, lost in thought. After a few seconds, she shook her head and let out a sad sigh.

Noah wondered what she was thinking.

“Oh that’s going to feel so good.” The sultry tonal shift jarred Noah.

It brought him back to why he was there: to watch this naked, sexy woman wash herself. And to hopefully catch a glimpse of something more. This seemed like the start of that something more.

She stood up and shook her body, causing everything to jiggle delectably. Noah paid special attention to her ass.

No matter how athletic she was and tried to work on it to decrease its size, she could never manage to take out the dimples and cellulite. She hated it, but he lusted for it. His hungry eyes locked onto it as she started to clean her thighs and butt. Then she bent over, grabbing the wall with one hand while the other began to scrub along the cleft between her cheeks.

Noah had to bite his tongue and steel his throat to not make a sound. Instead, he exhaled. He wanted to cross that final boundary as she bent over and bury himself in her. She almost never let him take her that way.

But he remained obscured in the doorway.

Every time the loofah went over her anus, his breath quickened. He could see her tense up. God he wished that the ruffles of the loofah was his tongue instead—if she would just let him. He would grab each hefty cheek in his massive paws and spread her. Then he would hungrily, obscenely, desperately even, drag his tongue along her ass. He would focus on her anus.

He needed this, but she wouldn’t let him.

He was disappointed when she stopped to grab a second loofah. It was the same kind but this one was blue. He smirked and rolled his eyes, she was always so sensitive about anything to do with her anus. Her pink loofah was perfectly clean. It had soap and the water was washing anything away, anyway.

She’s so delicate, he thought as she poured more body wash on the blue loofah.

She spread her legs to give herself access to those thick thighs. Noah could see her pussy in plain view, her trim pubic hair framing it. It was like it was showcasing it just for him right now at this moment. He slowly inched his hand to his crotch and started to drag his fingers lightly over the outline of his cock.

Ailin was being really careful while she cleaned her inner thighs, Noah noticed she was actively avoiding getting too close to her pussy.

Why? She was just going to end up cleaning it anyway.

But maybe she was scared of the foreign touch of the loofah right now.

And that’s when it happened. Noah saw the loofah getting closer and closer to her pussy, some of the ruffles were distended enough to threaten to reach her most intimate, sensitive part. She accidentally scrubbed too quickly. Maybe it had been a tremor in her tricep, or maybe it was a subconscious desire driving her movements. Noah would never find out. But the ruffles of the loofah grazed her labia ever so slightly and that was all she needed.

“Ohhh…” she moaned, her body tensing up for a second and she squeezed her thick thighs together.

Then Noah saw her shoulders noticeably relax and her head give the slightest fall in resignation.

“Fuck it.”

Noah thought she was about to call to him to come fuck her.

He gladly would, he wasn’t an idiot. With their busy schedules these days? He would take anything she wanted to give him. But he wanted to just watch right now. He needed to just watch right now.

Watching her had taken any pressure off of him. He didn’t need to expend any effort interacting or fear causing disappointment, he could simply take the time to enjoy and examine what he witnessed. The same way someone who is reading a story or watching a movie—or in this case, live porn—feels. Only here, there was a fear of being caught. That thrill mixed with his arousal was changing Noah’s brain on a fundamental level he couldn’t possibly understand the consequences of.

But she hadn’t called him.

She didn’t need him for this. She dragged the loofah up her inner thigh and let it settle on her pussy. She started to rub it along her slit. Noah imagined the coarseness of the loofah giving her a tingling ticklish sensation. But she seemed to be enjoying it.

Then she started to manipulate her clit through the roughness of the loofah. It started out controlled, her hand moving in gentle circles. But that quickly changed when Noah first saw her jerk, causing her bunched up hair to tumble down her back. She started to apply more pressure, her hand movements were jagged, and she was starting to jerk quicker, less sporadically.

She had a steady, rough rhythm going. Noah watched in fascination as she twitched consistently, causing her tits to slightly tremble every time. For the average man, her tits were far more than a handful, but for Noah’s size, they were just right. Big enough to have that slight, hefty spill out of his hands, but small enough that he could palm them entirely with his huge bear like paws.

Noah stared hungrily, imagining his lips on those tits. Ailin wouldn’t be able to resist that, it was her favorite thing he did.

“What are you doing just standing there?”

His eyes widened and he felt like his soul was ripped out of his back.

The deer had been caught by the wolf. It would be a slow, painful process of being devoured alive.

“I didn’t invite you in!”

She pressed him. But Noah couldn’t speak. His mouth hung open as he was about to try to explain himself, but he couldn’t. He really couldn’t.

What could he say? Oh I know, I was just secretly watching you. You looked so hot I couldn’t help it. He would have shaken his head if his spine wasn’t being crushed right now in embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t be in here. I told you, not yet.” Ailin sounded out of breath—There was a hint of fear in her voice.

How could he think he could just walk in there and watch her like a creep. Why didn’t he join her instead? God knows they both needed it.

He had fucked up.

Noah breathed in, clenching his eyes to try and squeeze this horrible feeling out. His stomach was not doing him any favors as it turned over in fearful shame, as if hiding from Ailin the way he wanted to. He had to tell her the truth.

“Dios mío, yes! I want it,” she whispered just loud enough for Noah to hear.

What? Noah hadn’t noticed he had been clenching his asshole, but it unclenched now.

He watched as she started to rock her hips while she rubbed her pussy. Then his eyes widened as she let herself slump back towards the wall, her back thudding against it. It didn’t seem hard enough to hurt but it was definitely hard enough to knock some of the wind out of her. But she started to rub faster, harsher.

It didn’t seem like he was caught…He hadn’t been. Slowly, he felt his cock lose most of its hardness as the tension left his body.

She was fantasizing?

You see? It’s okay. Noah soothed himself, trying to get his breathing under control.

What if she had caught me? His heart skipped a beat as he interrogated himself.

What then? What would she do? Would she think he was a creep?

He wasn’t a creep right? That was his wife. His. She wouldn’t think he was a creep, if she caught him, she would probably just invite him in, right?

Right…

But she hadn’t caught him.

He let out a shaky breath as he finally let his mind relax. He felt so relieved…but the way his stomach had fallen out of his ass when he thought she had, while he was still so hard? That was dangerous—addicting.

When his eyes refocused on Ailin, he could see a noticeable change in the way she touched herself. It was as if she was starting to lose control of her own actions.

What is she imagining? Noah wondered.

Who? Noah’s traitorous subconscious hooted at him from the depths of the darkest parts of his mind.

Ailin must have been a real witch, because her next words reached into Noah’s chest and crushed his heart like a jealousy powered vice.

“Ay, you’re so rough!” she whimpered. “Who even are you?”

Noah stumbled back, grabbing the doorway with one hand to prevent himself from falling as his legs locked up for a moment, and the other hand clutching his shirt. Luckily for him, Ailin was too preoccupied to notice.

Who even are you? The words echoed in his mind, mocking him. They bounced off of every happy memory he had of her until they repeatedly slammed against the ones of them making love together.

He looked back up at Ailin and noticed her spread her legs wider and dropped the loofah to the ground. She grabbed the shower head instead.

Click-ck-ck-ck.

The dial turned, adjusting the strength of the stream until it reached the hardest one. She aimed it directly at her clit and threw her head back when the first jet of water struck. Then with her other hand she started to rub her pussy again, slowly, deliberately along her slit. After a couple of seconds, she looked back down and gasped, staring at something Noah couldn’t see. It was probably another man’s cock she was looking at.

How many had she seen—in person—since they had gotten together? Noah didn’t want to know…did he?

Then she stopped rubbing herself and reached behind her back. Before Noah could wonder what she was doing, she yanked her hair down, making herself look up. She stared up with a naked and pathetically desperate desire.

Who was she looking up at like that?

“It’s too big, it’ll never go in.” The vice around Noah’s heart tightened its grip.

He wasn’t small, he had insecurely measured his cock countless times when he was in college. He was almost eight inches long and had about four or five inches of girth. But she was imagining someone bigger than him? She wanted someone bigger than that when sometimes he would struggle getting it inside despite how drenched she was or how much extra lubricant they used?

His heart skipped another beat, but he found that beat in his cock. He could feel it slowly growing again, getting used to the situation.

Then she let go of her hair and started to roughly mash her own tits. She pulled hard on her nipples. It was like she was trying to cause herself more pain than pleasure.

But still, she cried out.

“Oh my god!”

Then she let go of her tits and resumed rubbing herself. Until she stiffened for a moment. Noah saw one of her fingers disappear inside her as she started to finger herself, the steadily strong stream still on her clit.

“¡O sí, así!” she moaned.

She looked down at her tits, again looking at something that Noah couldn’t see—or someone.

“I’m not a slut!” Her denial came out hoarsely, but Noah could hear the doubt in her voice.

She lacked conviction. Who was she imagining herself being a slut for?

“Yes! Punish me—”

Noah felt like someone was continuously punching him in the solar plexus, but still he remained hard.

Ailin was still fingering her pussy with her left hand when she abruptly dropped the showerhead with her right and slapped the fuck out of herself.

“¡Ayy cabron!”

Noah had to fight his instincts hard not to react. It was like she was trying to slap herself back to where she belonged. And to Noah, it seemed like she thought she belonged with someone else.

He noticed her easily slip in another finger into her slick pussy. Imagining being treated like this by some guy was really turning her on this much?

“You shouldn’t—”

Noah could hear whatever resistance she thought she had, being interrupted by her throaty moan as she found the shower head and shot the stream back onto her clit.

“Not yet, you’re too big. Just let me do one more finger.” She sounded so pathetic and needy as she begged this better man to wait for her to be ready.

Who was this weak, submissive imitation of his strong and dominant wife?

“It’s too much. Three is too much! I can’t…” she whimpered as she looked up and stopped fingering herself.

For a moment, Noah could see the beautiful, gentle smile he was used to seeing from her when they made love. But then it was ripped away and replaced with panicked pain when she shoved her fingers back into herself.

“HIJO DE TU PUTA MADRE!” she cried out, making Noah flinch.

She had three fingers inside of herself now.

“Sí, papí. I’ll do whatever you want me to.” As the stream of water kept hitting her clit, Noah watched as she nodded weakly at whoever she was imagining.

Then she started to not really finger herself, but fuck herself. It seemed so rough.

How could she like that? Noah’s face scrunched up in concerned confusion.

While he was still stiff, almost pulsing with lust from watching his wife try to dominate herself, he felt a strange mixture of that arousal and jealousy from her imagining someone else, but also pity. He had never seen her so desperate and pathetic. Despite his cock straining against his pants, it still hurt him.

The implications of this entire event were too much for Noah. Everything swirled in his mind.

I should leave, he told himself.

And he wasn’t lying. He was really prepared to, but his legs didn’t move when Ailin started to speak again.

“Yes, so long!” He could see her wrist straining to try and push her fingers deeper inside of her.

“Oh god, faster!” Her limb thrusted as fast as it could manage, with every few thrusts spasming because of the strain.

“Yes sir!” She tapped her clit with the shower head.

Those words ‘yes sir’ struck him right in the stomach. He didn’t know why those specific words hurt so much to hear. But he didn’t have time to process it and examine it because Ailin immediately, breathlessly spoke again.

“Fuck!” She hit her clit harder this time, but she kept up her relentless finger-fucking pace.

“GOD, I’ll do anything!” she begged the unseen man and spasmed as she smacked her clit.

To Noah, it looked like it hurt, but she kept going. She honestly looked like she was close to orgasming. The way she was jaggedly trembling, her harshening self fucking, her breath coming out in little bursts like she couldn’t handle the pace, this was building up to be a bigger orgasm than Noah had ever been able to give her.

But her face changed and her hand slowed as she was nearing the edge.

“That’s too much!”

I guess there are things she won’t do even in her imagination, Noah thought.

He should have waited only a second.

For the last time, she dropped the showerhead. But her fingers resumed their blistering, rough pace. Noah could hear the squelching of how wet Ailin was.

Her shower head hand shot up to her neck and squeezed. Noah felt panic cause his heart to stumble over a few beats before it settled back into rhythm.

She was choking herself.

Is this what she needed to truly feel pleasure? Is this imagined man who she needed to reach the top of the precipice?

Noah could hear her staggered breathing as she tried to inhale with her own hand closed around her throat. He could see the way her porcelain face became red and how her legs started to shake. Part of him wanted to run in there and beg her to stop.

But part of him needed to hold back. She would question him on how long he had been standing there and inevitably asked why he didn’t join her. She would resent him from not letting her reach that divine bliss of a life shattering orgasm.

And he wanted to watch her reach that. He craved it. Even if he could only watch her do it to herself…because he couldn’t choke her like this.

Could he?

But he wasn’t this man she was imagining. She wanted someone else. Someone bigger, stronger, more dominating.

Oh fuck, Noah realized.

She wanted someone like—.

“Dios mío! DO IT, NOAH!” she shrieked.

Noah couldn’t stop himself, the shock from hearing his own name compelled him to finally speak.

“What the fuck?!” came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Ailin instantly stopped just short of her orgasm.

The ensuing silence only lasted three seconds. But Noah lived an entire lifetime in his head by the time they were over.

Ailin

“Echo, shuffle my ‘liked songs’ on Spotify.”

Ailin ran her hands through the steady stream of water, feeling it go from warm to hot to scalding, just how she liked it. She put her foot over the lifted tile and walked into the spacious shower. It reminded her of the times she and Noah would shower together when she first moved in.

God she missed those times.

Now she was too busy: too much school, too much work, too much stress. Not enough time, not enough energy, not enough sex.

Oh how she missed all the sex.

But Noah had gotten his last promotion around the same time she decided to go back to school to get her Bachelor’s in nursing a little over three years ago. Since then, sex had become a necessary sacrifice along with most of their romantic life. She was lucky if she could get it once every few weeks or a month.

She never knew if Noah was just too tired or if he didn’t even need it.

But tonight he was different. She noticed him staring at her. She had even crossed her arms for him, pushing up her breasts together to get him to spill the beans. He had proceeded to give her the best news, the news she needed, news that meant she could have what she wanted.

God…and how he kept staring at her.

She could still feel the rush in her spine, the tingling hum in her pussy as she teased him. She had been so close to giving in too, he was being so persistent. He was showing her he wanted her.

“Mmm,” her memories triggered a quick, needy moan.

For a fleeting moment she thought he was going to take her right then and there, but he hadn’t.

Tonight, she promised herself.

The water felt nice as it washed her troubles away. Her stress slowly melted, swirling with the water on the tile floor as it went down the drain.

“Echo, play Love de Keyshia Cole.” As soon as the heavily synthesized chords started to play, Ailin swayed under the water.

The shower was her concert and she performed for no one but herself. If she was being honest, in these moments, she was her own biggest fan.

She sang along, grabbing the shampoo and squeezing more than enough onto her hand. Her hair was so thick and long that they went through a whole bottle of shampoo and conditioner in just under a month.

The smell of coconuts began to fill the air as she rubbed it into her hair and scalp, digging her fingers in deep.

“Oh that feels—mmm,” she sighed.

She especially loved running her fingernails along the base of her scalp. Without fail she would give herself chills.

The only part she didn’t like was having to run the shampoo through her longer hair. She really enjoyed having her hair pulled, hard even, but the sensation of just a few strands getting yanked was not pleasant. She grimaced, she should have showered as soon as she got home instead of sleeping with her hair tied up the way she had it for work.

“Ouch!” so many knots.

Finally, she bunched up her hair on her head, letting her hair sit in the shampoo while she washed the rest of her body before rinsing it out. That was how she always achieved her persistently signature smell.

The song arrived at the chorus and Ailin just couldn’t help herself.

“LOOOOVE…” Ailin didn’t care if she couldn’t sing, she just loved the way singing made her feel.

She grabbed the loofah and put a generous amount of body wash on it. It was a more tropical smell meant to compliment her coconut hair.

Placing her right foot on the built-in shower bench, she always started with her feet. She loathed how ticklish she was and wouldn’t clean them if she could afford not to. Sometimes she wished she was a guy just so she wouldn’t feel the societal pressure to have to wash her feet. But she liked going sockless too much to do that.

“Ach.” She tried not to giggle as she felt the ruffles of the loofah graze her toes when she cleaned the top of her foot.

“Ay porque siempre, I hate that.” She complained.

Then she had to dip the damn, scratchy loofah between her toes.

“Hmhm!” she giggled.

“¡Ayy no!” she whined, but couldn’t suppress another giggle.

Then the worst part, her soles. Ailin groaned just thinking about how unpleasant this was about to be for her. She took a deep breath, then crossed herself the way she had grown up seeing her family do, and steeled her resolve to get through it.

She started to hum along to the song to distract herself, but it didn’t work. It never did.

“Mmmm—hmhmm…mm—hmhmhm…mmmm.” Her giggles kept interrupting her and she had to frequently pause when the sensations were too intense.

It didn’t really help that she was so sore either.

She repeated the same tortuous process with her left foot. After what felt like an eternity but it was only until the end of the song, she reached her calves. Relieved, she sighed.

But Echo didn’t play another song.

“What the hell?” hadn’t she set it to shuffle?

Did telling it to play another song take it off shuffle?

“Echo, play Mi piscis de RaiNao.” She went back to washing her calves when the first few notes started playing and then looped over and over.

Deciding to try and ease her soreness as they had a full night of dancing ahead, she tried to rub out the kinks. She sat down on the shower bench.

“Oh that feels nice,” she sighed, digging into the fat pad of her foot.

If she did it too lightly, it would make her giggle. Careful not to even graze her toes, she squeezed her feet in her strong hands. Those hands worked everyday, handling and gently manipulating the slowly crumbling bodies of her patients.

She thought of Mary for a brief moment. A sad image popped into her head: the graduation pictures her family would be taking would all be without her. Her son’s tennis match would only have his dad there to support him…

She shook her head and sighed.

Not tonight, tonight she would celebrate. Tonight was the beginning of her new life, a life where she might have one growing inside her before the night came to an end.

God she was going to ride that big man for all he was worth.

“Oh that’s going to feel so good.”

Noah’s visage popped into her mind. His pretty face with his perfectly trim beard and that feathery hair. Those big shoulders and broad arms. That thick, hairy chest. His long, powerful legs. And that bubble butt. God she loved that bubble butt. And one of these days she was going to take a big ol’ bite out of it.

She stood up and gave a little full-body shake to clear her head, and to maybe stop her pussy from tingling.

Not. Yet. She reminded herself.

She grabbed her loofah and began cleaning her outer thighs and butt. Since she had a big butt, she needed to bend over sometimes to get a good angle. Holding the wall for leverage, she scrubbed between her cheeks. Every time she brushed her anus with the coarse ruffles of the loofah she tensed up.

At the beginning of their relationship, Noah had asked her if she would be willing to do anal, but that was a hard pass. No one would ever do that to her as long as she was in charge.

Still, she wanted to make sure she was nice and fresh for tonight. Beautiful people stunk too if they weren’t diligent with their hygiene.

She then grabbed her second loofah and started to apply more body wash. She didn’t care if the first one was technically clean, she hated thinking about rubbing herself with something she had already touched her own anus with.

She spread her legs to have access to the soft skin of the inner portion of her thick thighs. This part was always precarious; she needed to be careful when she cleaned her inner thighs, especially now that she was so turned on because if she wasn’t she would—

“Ohhh…” she couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped her lips when the ruffles of the loofah grazed her already swollen labia, causing her to squeeze her thighs together, trying to resist the shock of pleasure.

But that resistance crumbled.

“Fuck it.”

The loofah deliberately made its way to her labia and started to rub slowly, and she watched it. It was almost as if she wasn’t in control of it. She wasn’t delusional; she knew it was her hand and her desire, but she imagined she wasn’t in control.

The coarse ruffles lightly kissed and then grinded against her labia as she started to spiral her clit softly. She needed to get herself used to the rough texture that scraped, rubbed, and tickled her at the same time. Every time she rubbed a little too hard from impatience, she jerked, causing her hair to cascade down her back.

But there was something about that that felt good to her. It was a painful pleasure and she needed to do it more, harder. Her jerking motions became a steady twitching and she closed her eyes.

An image invaded her mind. Momentarily, her entire world became this shower.

And Noah stood at the entrance, he somehow looked taller to her. Not physically taller, but the air around him was different. Primal. She shivered as she looked into his eyes.

They were the eyes of a beast coming to devour its prey.

“What are you doing just standing there?” she asked.

But this Noah exhaled, the steam from his nostrils coming out thicker than the steam from the shower. He stepped into the shower and her heart dropped into her stomach.

“I didn’t invite you in!” She felt how powerless she was in front of this Noah.

Why do you think I need an invitation? He tilted his head, amused.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she rubbed faster.

“You shouldn’t be in here. I told you, not yet.”

I don’t care about that. I want you now, so I came to take you now.

Ailin felt like she couldn’t breathe. She was intimidated by this Noah. Scared, even. And he sensed it. He could smell the aroused fear drenching her skin.

But this is what you want, Noah told her.

“Dios mío, yes! I want it…” she whispered, admitting it to herself—to him.

She started to rock her hips back and forth on her own hand while Noah took slow, deliberate steps towards her. He pushed her against the wall and she lost part of her breath. She thudded against it but she felt no pain. One of his hands grabbed her wrist and started to make her rub herself faster, his strokes being longer and stronger, causing a slight burning sensation on her clit.

“Ay you’re so rough!” she whimpered. “Who even are you?” This wasn’t her sweet, gentle Noah.

He parted her legs further, he needed easier access.

She grabbed the shower head with her right hand and tossed the loofah down. Then she set the dial to the hardest stream and pointed it at her clit.

God that felt so good.

Yeah, that’s it, baby doll. Open up for me.

He grabbed his cock and took the loofah’s job, causing Ailin to look down at what he was doing to her. He rubbed it along the slit of her labia, mixing their precum together to create a potent lubricant to fit his thickening cock inside of her.

She gasped when she noticed how turned on he was for her. He was always long, almost as long as her wrists, but she never remembered him being this thick.

Look at me!

He put his arm behind her back and yanked her hair down, forcing her to face up at him.

With her hair locked in place in his iron grip, she could only stare up at his hungry eyes and they stared back at her. It was like looking into the void, and at the very end, she could only find an all-consuming lust.

“It’s too big, it’ll never go in,” she pleaded with him, but this Noah wouldn’t be denied.

I’ll give you a minute or two to prepare. After that, I’ll make it fit. His smile grew wider.

Her eyes jumped from his eyes, to his teeth, and down to his cock still rubbing her pussy.

He let go of her hair and grabbed her tit roughly by the nipple: pinching, pulling, and twisting it. Then he leaned down, looking her in the eyes.

I’m going to mark my territory.

He bent over and bit her tit just hard enough to leave teeth marks, causing her to gasp in pain.

“Oh my god!” she cried out and he rubbed his cock along her pussy faster.

She would need to probably get three fingers inside herself to accommodate him, but she had only ever managed to get two. Surely Noah was thicker than that, but doing it to herself with her fingers made it difficult to get the right angle sometimes.

She started with one, while her other hand held the steady stream against her clit.

“¡O sí, así!” She fingered herself, looking up at Noah while his hands pulled her nipples harshly.

You’re so fucking wet for me, aren’t you slut, he whispered into her ear.

“I’m not a slut!” she denied him this.

You will be for me.

The confidence he had made her weak. This was an entirely different man with Noah’s face.

You’ve been a bad girl, haven’t you? He accused.

“Yesss!” she hissed as he pulled her nipple harder and she tried to match his aggressiveness with her finger pistoning in and out of herself.

You need to be punished, don’t you. He didn’t ask.

“Yes! Punish me—”

The steady stream of water ceasing was her only warning before the slap landed. The pain of the sting on her cheek was exactly what she needed to urge her forward.

“Ayy cabron!” She was so wet that her second finger slid right in.

She started to match her own thrusting and Noah laughed.

“You shouldn’t—” she protested, but was cut off by her own moan as her fingers found the shower head again and the stream of water resumed blasting her clit.

You were saying, doll? There was no sweet ‘baby’ like usual, only ‘doll’.

A toy. That’s all Ailin was to this Noah. Something to play with until he grew tired of her.

Are you ready? Noah asked impatiently.

“Not yet, you’re too big. Just let me do one more finger,” she begged him.

Her swelling pussy was making it a struggle to fit her third finger in despite how slick she was.

“It’s too much. Three is too much! I can’t…” she whimpered.

But I can, I’ll show you. He grabbed her wrist with his right hand and gripped her chin with his left, making her look up at him again.

She recognized that sweet smile Noah always gave her before they started to make love. But this Noah distorted it, snarling at her as he shoved her wrist towards her pussy.

“HIJO DE TU PUTA MADRE!” she cried out and clenched her eyes.

She had to keep her three fingers still for a moment to get used to the size.

That’s enough rest, fuck yourself for me. Noah took a small step back, still within arms reach. He started to stroke his cock as he watched her. She unclenched her eyes and nodded meekly.

“Sí papí. I’ll do whatever you want me to.” She started to fuck herself slowly.

It was painful at first with only miniscule pleasure. She was stretching herself out as much as she had ever been, but she needed to to accommodate this Noah. With the help of the steadily strong stream of water on her clit, the pain dulled and the pleasure quickly intensified.

Longer.

“Yes, so long!” She extended her fingers as much as she could.

Faster.

“Oh god, faster!” She thrusted into herself relentlessly.

Hit your clit.

“Yes sir!” She flinched as the shower head made contact with her swollen clit.

Harder!

“Fuck!” She smacked her clit.

HARDER!

“GOD, I’ll do anything!” She begged when the shower head again collided with her clit, causing her to spasm.

She was desperate to cum. That sweet release of pent up stress, anger, sadness, disappointment. The overwhelming expectations of who everyone wanted her to be and who she thought she needed to be collided with who she really was deep down.

This Noah had taken her from the safety of her shower at home to the edge of a cliff. Everything she wanted was hidden deep down in the waters below, just over the edge. There, she would find out secrets that she even kept from herself. She just needed to jump into the sea of pleasure that waited for her. She looked over the edge.

But she hesitated. She took a step back and turned to Noah.

“That’s too much!”

She was desperate to stay safely on the top of the cliff, just looking down. Only seeing what she could have. But she was also desperate to know exactly what that was.

You said anything. Noah’s mouth opened wide with sinister excitement. His hand shot out and gripped her neck, causing her to drop the shower head. It swung and thudded against the wall, uselessly flailing around and spraying water everywhere while she kept fingering herself.

She gripped his wrist in her hand, clinging for dear life.

Let. Go. Noah held her over the edge of the cliff by her neck. If she let go, he would too, and she would plunge into the crashing waves of the orgasm that waited for her at the bottom. It was a high fall to plummet from. She might not survive. And if she did, she would never be the same.

She looked down, terrified and excited. She could almost feel the rush of letting go and plummeting. She needed to experience what that was like.

“Dios mío! DO IT, NOAH!” she shrieked from the edge of the cliff and let go.

“What the fuck?!” the real Noah said, yanking her back to safety.

Ailin | Noah

She crashed back to reality. Her hand let go of her neck and her fingers withdrew from her quivering pussy.

“Amor?” she quickly called out, trying to walk on wobbly legs to open the glass door.

She had to steady herself as her mind began to separate reality from her fantasy that had felt so real in the moment. She looked down at the breast that fantasy Noah had bitten and there was nothing there. Relieved, she opened the door.

The steam rushed out through the opening and dissipated along with her fantasy, leaving her with a longing she was starting to recognize.

There was Noah, her Noah. His face was a mixture of concern and excitement. She wondered how much he had seen. Even with her clouded mind, she could read him too well. Those tense shoulders, the shock that he tried to hide behind a nervous smile quickly fading from his face, his pupils too focused for him to feign ignorance…

But tonight was too important to her to ruin it.

“Did you come to join me?” she asked, partially because she was still so horny, but mostly because she needed to distract them both from what she had been doing…oh god, and what she was saying…but maybe the real Noah could take her back to where the imaginary one had left her.

Noah didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling. Aroused but overwhelmed? Flattered and confused? Or was that creeping devastation he felt coming on. He had spied on her without her consent, maybe this was karma?

But at least she wasn’t upset with him. Of course she wasn’t upset, she was his wife. He could have her any time he wanted, couldn’t he?

Noah shook his head, trying to dislodge the infestation of thoughts that clung to his mind, taunting him. He wouldn’t be able to, so he had to do what he always did—ignore them until he couldn’t anymore.

He cleared his throat and smiled at her, emulating that confidence he had been feeling all day before now.

“Sorry baby doll, I’m saving this—” he grabbed his now nearly fully erect cock in his hand, “for later.”

She looked down, noticing he was close to full length. “¿Yo hice eso?”

For her, that validated her and justified everything she had just done. She bit her lip and reached out to it.

“Sí,” he at least knew that much. “But you’ll have to wait until after the club. Only patient, good little blonde Mexicans get this cock.”

Why the hell did I say that? He thought to himself.

She pouted, “Mexicans?” She flicked water at him, her brows furrowed but she was still grinning. “There’s others?”

“‘Course not, baby,” he shook his head, “only for you.” He laughed and left the bathroom. “I need to change. Hurry up, woman, I might have to leave without you.”

“You better not!” she called out after him.

But Noah barely heard her. As he got dressed, all of his thoughts danced along the razor’s edge of a deeply cutting realization:

The last thing she had shrieked right before she was about to cum was his name as if he had done all of that to her. But those things…she had done to herself. That Noah that she had imagined in her head, he didn’t exist.

But could he?

𓆩♡𓆪

Around Her World

Ruan Willow

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