It Takes All Sorts

In the past month, my life has been changed completely. Mostly my sex life, but the rest of my existence has been mind-blowingly altered, too. And all because of a bloody book.

I’d been out with the lads one Friday night after work, seeing off a colleague that was leaving. Things had gotten a little boring, and I was feeling horny, so I cried off and headed home, without telling Sue I was on my way. Me being home earlier than expected would be a lovely surprise. I hardly ever came home early.

It was a surprise, all right. I crept in, managed to get all the way up the stairs and to our bedroom door without being heard. I flung it open, grinning widely, proud of myself for not arriving home in an inebriated state. Sue barely glanced up from her position in the bed, propped up against the pillows. She clung to her eReader for dear life, her gaze flicking left to right, down, left to right, at what seemed like an impossibly fast speed. How could she even be taking in the words?

“Hi, babe. I came home early. I missed you.” I was trying to get on her good side, hoping for some horizontal action, and I was under no illusions that Sue knew that, too.

“Let me just finish my chapter. I’m really into this.” This time, she definitely didn’t glance up from the digital page. Fucking hell, what was so engrossing that she couldn’t...